Once upon a time, I said a lie.
For the first time. It was exhilarating.
It was hardly anything. I didn’t need to lie, but I realized I wasn’t obliged to tell the truth either.
I didn’t mean to lie, yet I did. I told myself — It’s okay. It’s one silly lie. And honestly, within myself, it felt good. It saved me from the trouble of some amount of explanation.
Soon after that, I lied again. And again. And again.
It made my life so much simpler. As usual, telling a lie was not necessary. Yet, I lied. Repeatedly. Not to save my ass, but to avoid unnecessary tiffs. To avoid upsetting people I loved. Or for something as meager as to avoid socializing, when I was in a mood to lie in bed in my tee&shorts and watch Netflix.
Before I knew it, lying had become a habit. It came naturally to me in daily conversations.
> I lied about being ill when I was actually feeling lazy to go out but didn’t have the ‘balls’ to say no.
> I lied about having eaten when, in fact, I had missed my third meal of the day due to excessive work.
> I lied about having a sleepover at my friend’s when I was really lying naked with a guy.
> I lied about working late when I was actually out drinking with my girls.
> I lied about flirting with a sexy stranger on a trip I never took.
> I lied about being a published writer when the only place I had published my stories was on Medium.
I had become a compulsive liar. I wasn’t even ashamed of telling these small lies.
> I lied to the guy I loved about being in back-to-back meetings and being away-from-phone for hours, when I was really flirting to and fro with a colleague.
> I lied about being at home when I was actually sleeping at my ex’s.
> I lied about having an impromptu plan with some friends to wriggle out of a date.
> I weaved an elaborate story about a picture on my social media that wasn’t even mine.
No harm done. It just made life so much easier!
Only, it didn’t.
It was pathetic.
It hit me when I realized how I was being lied to.
And honestly, it felt horrible.
We don’t have the right to take away somebody’s right to the truth, however petty the matter.
Learn to say no.
Learn to tell the truth.
Be ready to face the music.
Disclaimer: This is not a personal anecdote. Rather, Sunday morning musings.